Duke vs. North Carolina. Every college basketball fan knows it's one of the biggest rivalries in the game. Over the years, these two teams have staged some of the most memorable moments in the sport's history.

But it's not just the games, it's the fun and games. Fans of these neighboring school love to take shots at each other, and we've compiled a list of the best. Since last week, we've been asking you to send us your best Blue Devils/Tar Heels jokes, insults and putdowns. Here goes:

Q: What does the average UNC student get on their SAT?
A: Drool

Luis Villa
liv@acpub.duke.edu

Q: How many Duke students does it take to change a tire?
A: Three -- two to go get beer and one to call dad back in Jersey.

Q: How many Carolina freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It's a sophomore course.

Steve Katz
skatz@iepgroup.com

Q. What is the only sign of intelligent life in Chapel Hill?
A. Duke University: 12 miles ahead.

Q. What's the best thing to ever come out of Chapel Hill?
A. Route 15-501 to Durham, NC.

Joshua Keith Sekoski
jks5@acpub.duke.edu

What is the usual greeting from a Duke fan to a North Carolina fan?
Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order?

Paul Stephenson
pkstep@cetlink.net

Back in 1992 a young recruit was down in the Raleigh Durham area checking out schools and talking to coaches. As he visited the Duke campus and met with the coach he was told that academics were extremely important to the Blue Devils. "As a matter of fact," said the Blue Devil coach, "You will not graduate from this school until you can spell my name."

The young recruit didn't seem that amazed by the request. His answer soon showed why. "I knew that both Duke and UNC had similar teams and programs but I didn't realize they had the same graduation requirements. Coach Smith told me that I couldn't graduate from UNC unless I could also spell his name!"

David Abbott
Belfast, Maine
dabbott@acadia.net

Three Duke Students and three UNC Students were off to a conference game. They chose to take the train. The three Duke Students bought a ticket each while the three UNC guys bought one between them.

"How can all three of you get on the train with one ticket?" asked the Duke Students. "Watch and learn" replied the UNC Students.

The three Duke Students took their seats and the three UNC Students all crammed into one toilet cubicle. The conductor came around and took the tickets off the Duke Students. He went to the door of the toilet and knocked.

"Tickets please" he ordered. The door opened a crack and a hand snaked out with the ticket. The conductor took the ticket saying thanks and continued on his round.

The Duke Students were well impressed and decided they would do the same on the return journey. After the conference, the six again met at the train station. The three Duke Students bought a single ticket while the UNC Students stepped onto the train without buying a ticket at all.

"How in hell are you guys going to get away without any ticket?" asked the Duke Students. "Watch and learn" replied the UNC Students.

The three Duke Students crammed into a toilet cubicle and waited. The three UNC Students crammed into a toilet cubicle opposite and waited. After a minute or two one of the UNC Students left the cubicle and went over to the Duke Student's cubicle.

He knocked on the door and said "Tickets Please".

David Schultz
dschultz@onsale.com

When I was in high school, a friend of mine traveled to Raleigh, North Carolina for a public speaking competition. He delivered the speech of his life, and was fortunate to squeak out a victory.

His prize was a $50 savings bond and plaque. The runner-up got a four-year scholarship to UNC.

Mike Prentiss
Mike.Prentiss@legis.state.wi.us

Many years ago, Albert Einstein visited North Carolina for a nationwide conference on science. Einstein was famous for his ability to converse with all people, regardless of their intelligence of interests.

At a reception following the conference, he approached three men and asked the first, "Sir, what is your IQ?"

"148," the Duke professor answered, and Einstein launched into a lengthy discussion with the man about quantum physics and relativity.

He then turned to the second man and asked, "and what is your IQ sir?"

"105," the NC State professor answered, and Einstein chatted with the man briefly about recent changes in agricultural technology, and new methods being used increase farm production.

Einstein turned to the third man and asked, "and, you sir, what is your IQ?"

"52," the man answered.

Einstein broke into a broad grin, clapped the man on the shoulder, and said, "How 'bout those Heels!"

Mike Prentiss
Mike.Prentiss@legis.state.wi.us

Q: Why did the Tar Heel cross the road?
A: Who cares, what's he doing out of jail?

Q: What do you call a Tar Heel with half a brain?
A: Gifted

David Kim
ddk1@acpub.duke.edu

Q:How do you get a UNC graduate off your front porch?
A: Go ahead and pay them for the pizza.

Q: What does the N in UNC stand for?
A: Knowledge.

K. McCary
kmccary@NOSPAMamaroq.ces.ncsu.edu